I opened the hotel window curtains. It was raining heavily outside and the day looked miserable.
"I know, let's go to Louvre."; I said.
"Let's. We'll become more cultured."; said The Husband.
On the way there, we noticed most of the shops are closed or opening very late.
"Oh, it must be a national holiday."
Once we got to the Louvre, we asked the lady selling the tickets.
"Oh, mais non!", said the lady.
"Oh, so the fuckers are just lazy and stubbornly French. They can't be bothered to work. Fancy that."; I thought.
Louvre was full of sculptures taking selfies, sculptures concerned about the size and shape of their ding-a-longs and so on.
I was admiring one such exhibit when all of a sudden I heard The Husband exclaim: "Look at that Brazilian ass!".
I looked at the sculpture I was observing a bit closer. No, it didn't have a Brazilian ass.
Then I saw a girl pass by. She did have a Brazilian ass and sure enough, she was Brazilian.
"You have no shame."; I said to The Husband.
He pretended not to hear me.
We made our way to Mona Lisa. The area immediately in front of the painting looked like the giant fight was going to break out any minute now. People pushing and shoving and all of them taking selfies with Miss Lisa.
"Do you know what's a selfie?"; asked The Husband unexpectedly and suddenly.
"Doh. Is Pope a catholic?"; I looked at him incredulously.
"I only recently found out about them. Shall we take some selfies?"; said he in all seriousness.
"No. I'm not taking selfies with Mona Lisa and these wild hordes. It's beneath me.".
I marched on towards Dutch masters and he followed.
"I need to go to toilet"
"Well, go then. You don't need to announce it."; said The Husband.
The toilet was shut.
"FERME!!!!"; barked the woman guarding the toilet in French.
"I'm beginning to think their favourite word is ferme (closed)."; I said to the Husband.
"Well, they're French. They open and close stuff individually and at random. Or maybe they're all just hungover from all the wine they guzzled the night before. Who knows. After all, they're FRENCH!"; concluded The Husband.
Bag: Rebecca Minkoff
Leather jacket: River Island
Tee: Pop Cph