I was hungry so I scanned around to spot a good place to eat. There was a dishevelled looking man sitting at the table in a nearby restaurant, smoking and writing furiously in his well thumbed notebook. Probably a philosopher. Or a writer.
"Look."; I said to The Husband: "He's clearly French. It really doesn't get more French than that. Let's eat here."
"No. It looks empty. I want to eat there."; he said pointing at another place.
"I'm not sitting with the bloody English. I came all the way to France to sit with the French."; I protested.
"But it's a mix of French and English. The place looks good. Come on."
"Oh, OK then."
We sat at the table. There was a group of French youths to the right of us having a philosophical and cultured conversation about Judaism and war.
"If that was British "yoof" they would be discussing the love life of Z list celebrities. I just love how the French don't do frivolous conversations."
"Yes, yes....let's order already."; The Husband was getting impatient.
The menu was in French.
To the left of us a family of British tourists was painstakingly translating every single item on the menu via their smartphone apps.
"I'm not doing THAT."; I announced: "It's retarded. We should just order randomly and be surprised."
"What if we order snails? Or frogs?"; said The Husband alarmed.
"We won't."; I assured him.: "I do have basic French, you know."
I beckoned the waiter over and pointed a few items on the menu...soup, polenta and a mysterious meat.
"I think it's beef.", I said to The Husband reassuringly.
The Brits to the left of us finally finished their 3 hour translation of every single item on the menu and made a daring order of 3 sandwiches (French: LE sandwich).
I rolled my eyes feeling all superior and pleased with myself. Our order is bound to be amazing.
The waiter was smoking in front of the restaurant not giving a flying French f**k, but he eventually brought our food.
I looked at it suspiciously.
"Oh dear, this is not beef. It's...um....it's.....veal.; I was horrified: "We're eating BABY cows!!!! BABY f***ing cows!!!!!!!!"
"Well, better eat it now, otherwise it died in vain. So much for your French, eh?", said The Husband.